Many of us, when we list our positive attributes, say that we are a good friend. Each of us has our definition of what that means. But do you know what it takes to be a good friend?

When I am trying to be a good friend to someone who is going through a hard time, the first thing that I do is ask that person how I can best support them? There are many ways to support your friends. Perhaps they want a daily text sending a virtual hug? Perhaps a phone call a few times a week? Coffee on a regular basis? Perhaps you can go with them if they have a tough appointment. Or hang out with them after. Perhaps cook a meal (or send one). There are literally hundreds upon hundreds of ways to help. Ask what works best for your friend!

Something to keep in mind is that if the hard time is lasting a long time, the answer at the beginning of the trauma will probably not be the same as time goes on. So please remember to check in from time to time if what you are doing is still what that person needs.

We tend to give what would make us feel better, but that very well may not be what your friend wants. Do not assume that you know. Also, do not assume that your friend would tell you what they are needing either. People often feel that they do not have the right to ask for anything, even during hard times.

So, be a good friend, ask! Then show up, even if the hard times are lasting. And then when it is your turn to go through hard times, ask for what you need as well!