I had an interesting conversation the other day with a young woman contemplating marriage to her boyfriend. She asked me how did someone know if they found the right partner, what makes a good partnership?

There are many things that go into this answer. One part is a very personal, individual answer. But let’s look at some more general answers. One of the first ones to look at is cultural issues. We all grew up within certain cultures that have given us some expectations of what a romantic partnership is supposed to be. We are often not aware of the cultural pieces that form a significant part of what we are looking for in a partner. Be sure to take some time to understand for you how this may show up.

But there is, obviously, more than that to picking a life partner. I have had some people talk about their physical type. Be careful of that; people change! If the only reason you chose someone was the size of their waist, you may not have a long partnership!

One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Can you trust your partner? Are you trustworthy? It is necessary to feel safe in order to have a long-term healthy relationship. Another thing to be aware of is how clear is the communication? This can obviously be worked on, but is your prospective partner willing to work on it? Are you? Do you like your partner? Is this person your friend? Do you enjoy hanging out?

Notice that I have not mentioned love. It is important, but so hard (impossible really) to truly describe what love is. You have to decide that one. Sexual compatibility is another piece that can be worked on. So, if there is no “chemistry” at the beginning, this may develop.

So, what makes a good partner? Someone whom you can see yourself laughing with, working beside, building things with, and laying next to, every day, year after year.  Someone you can build a life with! Enjoy the journey!