As the holidays come around, it can be a time of joy, but also a time of sadness. As you look around the table, there may be missing faces. Each year, we gain new people in our lives, but we also lose people that have always been there.

I often have clients talk about how hard the holidays are because their parents, spouse, friend, child is no longer with them. We then have discussions about how to cope. I am a big fan of not avoiding. Sometimes the best way that we can honor the death of our loved ones is to talk about them, not pretend that there is nothing different this year. Depending on your tradition, you may light a candle. You may hang a stocking with their name on it. You may give a donation in their name. But most importantly, talk about them!

Tell those stories about them! Joke about how they would react to what is going on now. Laugh and cry over what you are missing about them. It is helpful and healthy to keep those memories alive. Pretending there is no loss will not help you.

So, enjoy the holidays, but with all of your memories, all of the stories! Don’t leave any of it out, including the tears. That is the best way to celebrate the holiday and the memories! May your holidays this year bring you joy and meaning!