(714) 879-5868, ext. 5
drmichelle@michellegottlieb.com
drmichelle@michellegottlieb.com
Michelle Gottlieb Psy.D., MFT, LPCC
Individual, Couple and Family Therapy
Resolving issues from your past that block your future
Column
What do You Learn From Being a Victim?
April 2006
When something goes wrong in your life, what is the first thing that you do? Do you look to find someone else to blame it on? It is my boss’s fault, my spouse’s fault, my dog’s! Or do you stop and say, “How did I contribute to this mistake and what do I need to do to learn from this, to never get in this situation again?”
Our society has encouraged us to find others to blame rather than to accept responsibility and learn. Blaming others allows us to feel like the victim rather than empowering us to grow from the experience and become a better human. What do we learn by blaming others? Not a darn thing except how to avoid responsibility.
However, when we say that we have some responsibility, this allows us to critically analyze the situation and see where our mistakes were. It is a very rare phenomenon that we have made no mistakes. But mistakes are a wonderful thing. By looking at we have done, we can educate ourselves, and prepare better for the next time. Trust me, there will be a next time. If we haven’t learned anything from our prior experiences, we will continue to fail. And continue to blame others.
Blaming others makes us weak. Taking responsibility makes us strong. Which path do you want to take?